i was riding on this raft on the Pacific with all these people
one of the other people was Puma Perl
my mother at Facebook
we stopped at various inflatable places like bounce houses on the ocean
stopped at an island
i could see the huge fish swimming right under the surface
got scared
Puma’s husband told me they wouldn’t hurt me
they weren’t vicious

i kept wondering, “why isn’t anyone drunk? why aren’t we drinking? is this some kind of weird AA cult? i need a drink! stat!”

the ocean was so fucking vivid and beautiful
never seen an ocean like that in my life
wanted to live inside it forever

didn’t really connect with my friends
they were nice
but i felt alien among them

then it was night and we were back at this las vegas casino on the ocean
all these inflatable fun houses
with poor music and the usual idiots
and games
saw three or four killer whales swim by
watched them roll in the inky ocean
i was with a young britney spears and her mom
and a bunch of stupid women
they said if the whale touched your skin
your smell would be on the whale
and the whale would have no choice but to eat you

i was thinking i would die
then these two guys from the raft trip
one looked like ben john smith or mark mcgrath from sugar ray
were on an inflatable killer whale acting foolish for camera
riding it in sexual way
then the ben john smith lookalike gave me the picture
i felt shy and inadequate
walked around casino
walked toward basketball court and bowling alley
all these bleachers and spectators and athletes
that seemed professional
but it wasn’t a basketball game
and i couldn’t find my way out
then i headed for the bathroom
and it was showers
all these hot athlete women
with big silicone tits
they were hostile
i clearly did not belong
i was told to find the bathroom for tourists

then i was in the stands
and i saw this hot porn chick
in cheerleader costume
spread her legs and look lascivious at these
she was bare beaver
i was turned on
then i saw a guy pump away at her

suddenly there was sex everywhere
it was a sex casino
i was the only non prostitute
these two guys behind me in this tunnel
said, “She doesn’t look right. What the hell is she doing here?”
i said, “i am not here…i am invisible…i am zero”
and this guy laughed and said, “that sounds about right”
then the guy was having sex with a hot hooker
and then i was in between them
and i could feel his tiny dick inside me
and it felt good
but he was dismissive of me
he wanted the prostitute

then this tall Indian man with a gold chain around his neck
said, “I want you. Come.”
he threw me down and his dick was too big
i was scared
he said, “I am going to fuck you and it is going to hurt like hell.”
I took out a knife and told him I would cut his dick off.
He didn’t believe me.
I screamed for help.

Then I walked into this weird production of Swan Lake
it was only for rich people
there were five different little stages
I thought I was getting away with something
then one of the ushers humiliated me and asked me to leave
was trying to go to my room
thought, “Well, I am here for seven nights and I have a lot to write about. I will try to turn this into a longer stay.”

mom woke me up