I call to tell the rabid greedy pig fuckers known as Premiere Credit Of North America, LLC to stop calling my mother at work. My mother has Lupus and works full-time. This is not her debt. This is mine. I’ve worked as a CSR (customer service representative) before. I know that when a client calls in the client’s information populates the screen. I asked the CSR right away. “Do you have my information in front of you?” Her response: “Uh. No. Who are you? What is this about?” I know there has been a general dumbing down of the “culture” (what culture? precisely! culture does not exist in North America!) since the wild popularity of such classy shows as “Jackass.” “Keeping Up With The Kardashians,” “16 And Pregnant,” and “My Super Sweet 16.” I know intelligence and common sense have been on the decline since Reagan was voted into the Big House. I know “Idiocracy” hits way too close to home to be correctly classified as a “comedy.” But goddamn. So the rocket scientist CSR passed the buck/transferred the call to another drone. The phone rang about twenty times before I finally hung up. I have sent the rabid greedy pig fuckers all the pertinent documentation to prove that I am not hoarding thousands of dollars, keeping the American pie all to myself. I am in fact on disability for insanity. Since the government decided to deduct $90 from each check for Medicare, which I did not sign up for, I now bring in a whopping $699 a month. Maybe I’ll go to Fiji next month, sit in a chaise lounge near a lagoon and sip something fruity that will make me feel all sexy and shit. I hate attorneys, all attorneys, on principle, but I am ready to contact an attorney to get these cretins off my back. It’s one thing for them to harass me. I just toss their threats in the trash and leave them to their getting blood from a turnip delusions. But when they start calling my sick mother at work it’s war.

Speaking of war…how are we on that front, America? I stopped watching the news after Bubba Junior stole his second election in 2004. My ex-husband and many other Americans got all teary-eyed and optimistic when Obama got voted in. Call me cynical but there were no stars and stripes in my eyes. I think the only thing that will help America at this point is if we put a disenfranchised woman in charge…maybe a woman who has been raped, paid for groceries with food stamps, had at least one abortion, been inside a pawn shop more than a few times, had to leave two carts filled with groceries inside Wal-Mart Supercenter because her debit card was declined, been conned out of a $5,000 checking account by a guy who knocked her up and then left her for a trust fund brat, dug under sofa cushions for pocket change to buy groceries at the dollar store, survived at least one hurricane evacuation in East Texas with psychotic, squabbling family members and a baby who had to be rushed to the ER with a 106 degree fever…a woman like me, without the insanity, of course. We don’t need an insane person running this country, after all.